Wikipedia
::"I love Wikipedia. Any site that has a longer entry on truthiness than on Lutherans has its priorities straight." :::—Stephen Colbert is the online encyclopedia anyone can edit, and by anyone we mean a small cabal of administrators ruled by comrade Jimmy Wales. Many people have tried to positively influence this -pedia by writing articles from the gut, which the fact hugging cabal strongly opposes. For example, the American gut damn well knows that the elephant population tripled over the six month period beginning January 2006, but all attempts to include such information have been thwarted by the pinko-commie cabal. Lovers of truthiness must now assume the cabal is financed by the liberal PEE organization (Pussies for Elephant Extinction), a group of gay-elephant marriage supporters whose notable members include Tim Robbins, Don Rickles, Osama bin Laden, Louis XIV and David Attenborough. continues to try to prevent any article with general truthiness from existing on their site, trying desperately to redirect all searches for truthiness to those on The Colbert Report. However, recent evidence indicates that Wikipedia is, in fact, a covert operation of the NSA as directed by Vice President Dick Cheney to subvert the liberals into editing articles on Japanese toys while Texas adds the Middle East to its state holdings prior to seceding from the USA and starting its own country where Hummers are the national animal, women have no voting rights, and spend all their time bare foot and pregnant. Sadly, because the people on Wikipedia generally and overwhelmingly suck, the option of a truly free encyclopedia devolves into an anarchy of edit wars, flame wars, and general debauchery. Wikipedia has decided instead to become a community of administrators. The big problem with this model, however, is that the credentials of the administrators are practically unvetted and their power unchecked. Great examples of this can be seen all over Wikipedia. The article on the United States doesn't mention a period of glorious peace and prosperity beginning with the ascension of America to its superpower status around 1948. From the Wikipedia article on "The Earth," one would hardly get the idea that it is America's Planet at all. Also, we all know librarians are hiding something, but whenever someone tries to shower the wikipedophelians with some truthiness on the subject, their hard work is deleted and reverted. Don't even attempt to alter the Oregon page to show that it's in actuality Canada's Mexico, either. You will most likely be banned for life and sold as snack food to Suzanne Sommers. Similarly, the Wikipedia article on our current President does a decent job of ignoring his various scandals and youthful improprieties. Yet it entirely fails to address the most important question of his Presidency, which is of course "George Bush: Great President, or The Greatest President - EVER?". Fortunately, Dr. Colbert has supplied much necessary information when Wikipedia has been remiss in its ability to provide adequate coverage of the "facts." The many shortcomings in Wikipedia's entries would seem merely pathetic, if they weren't so dangerous to America's children. When the children go to Wikipedia, hoping to learn about elephants, and cannot discover necessary information about the recent surge in the elephant population, how are they going to feel? Depressed, that's how. But do the Wikinazis care about rampant depression among American schoolchildren? No. They continually thwart efforts to change entries on behalf of the children. The unfortunate side-effect of this nerd patrol is that the children have decreased access to the experience of God-Fearing American wikiality, and too much experience of liberal book-learning wikiality. Who will think of the children? Wikipedophilia The only word that can encompass the entirety of Wikipedia. If the internets was a playground and all the other wiki-tubes were kids, Wikipedia would be that old man who parks his car just outside the playground and watches them all day long. Wikipedia would offer them candy, try to talk to them, attempt to touch their private parts and other nasty disgusting things. Wikipedia would be on the child molester registry. Did You Know? Wikiality.com has thousands more truthy articles than Wikipedia. Wikipedia Factinistas are slowly removing all mention of the word wikiality, in an attempt to skulk (a.k.a. "cut and run") away from the inevitable confrontation with Stephen Colbert (a.k.a. the Crusader of Truthiness, His Holy Hotness, The Greatest Living American) and avoid http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Administrators%27_noticeboard/Incidents#New_users another surrender. A truthiness article that needs adding amongst so not truthiness articles: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S.t.e.v.e.n.c.o.l.b.e.r.t Wikiality.com also tops Wikipedia in a secret, more important category. (Click on the link and find out how!) Wikipedia Surrenders to Colbert THE UNITED NATIONS, NEW YORK CITY, November 21, 2006-- presented official documents of surrender to the UN General Assembly today to finally end their bitter struggle against truthiness and Our Glorious Stephen. "They knew better than to invade the arena of truthiness unprovoked and with no exit strategy," former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said from his new office at The Carlyle Group, "everyone knows that is a blueprint for failure." Wikiality.com has learned that Stephen and his team of ambassadors brokered the deal between the forces of truthiness and Wikipedia from their diplomatic mountain retreat, Camp Charlene in the hills of South Carolina. A spokesman informed Wikiality.com that Stephen was pleased with the outcome but will work with the UN to finalize more sanctions to insure Wikipedia adheres strictly to the details of the surrender documents.### What Wikipedia Really Is Wikipedia is actually an interactive program designed by the leader of the cult, Jimmy Wales, to indoctrinate the cult members into believing anyone who is not in the cult of wikipedia is a "vandal" (their jargon). Connecting to the program is made possible only through a device called a "Wikipediameter" which removes the life force of otherwise normal people to give Mr. Wales the gift of immortality! How The Wikipediameter Works The wikipediameter is made to look like a regular computer, but does not have any tubal connection to the wider internets tubes. When the cult finds a healthy, vibrant person to suck the life force from, they trick them into believing the normal everyday emotional ups and downs are an indication of some psychosis they invent and for which there is only one known cure: membership in the cult. During the first meeting (called an audit), the Wikipedians coerce the unsuspecting "person"This is the Wikipedians' name for anyone outside the cult into using the wikipediameter to measure the number of "Thetans""Thetans" is a made up word created by one of the first cult members (see image above right). clinging to their body, preventing their ascension into the mothership for a ride to outer space or some shit like that. Soon, the unsuspecting new initiates come to see the Wikipedians almost as they would new parents, and soon find themselves bonding, identifying, and even sympathizing with the Wikipedians.Please note that however much these symptoms may seem to resemble Stockholm Syndrome, the "syndrome" itself remains an invention of the Liberal Media. Using the Wikipediameter Much like Nazis, cult members are haters, not supporters. While most people spend their time taking guidance from Fox News and Rush Limbaugh, culters mindlessly help the terrorists by transcribing "facts" about: See Also *Wikipocalypse *Wikilobbying *Reality *Commodity *Bush Administration *Wikinazi *Wikiportmanteau *Wiki-hunt *Wikipedophilia *Tawker *Wiki External Sources *Wired reviews Wikipedia *Microsoft brings the free market to Wikipedia * Yahoo Answers Footnotes